I don’t normally post a vent session (don’t read if you don’t like venting posts), and I may eventually delete this post, but when someone who is supposed to be family vents publicly on Facebook calling either my mother or myself “self focused” and “self serving”, I have to draw the line. Especially since I am not in the wrong or it’s a misunderstanding that the individual did not take the time to clarify before jumping to conclusions and accusing others AND calling them names. My mother has come to town to visit for a week, and we were planning on going to Busch Gardens amusement park in Williamsburg, VA, we thought it would be nice to invite my cousin’s daughter to come along with us- guess we’ll never do that again…
Here is the post: “Ya know, it’s amazing when people know the history I had with my dad and they are so self focused. Don’t freaking tell me you are thinking about going to Busch Gardens on Friday and invite my daughter, then go earlier and blow her off. You are no better than my dad and it pisses me the hell off. I dislike self focused and self serving people“
My first reaction was shock. I responded that we asked her 16 year old daughter when she was available to go to Busch Gardens. She responded that Tues and Thurs she had to work, Monday and Wednesday she volunteered at the shelter. I suggested maybe she could go Monday. (My brother sitting right there, gave me shit and said, “didn’t you hear her say she couldn’t do Monday cos she had to volunteer?”I remember feeling a little embarrassed because I felt like a jackass for suggesting she not volunteer one day so that she could go to an amusement park. I figured between work and volunteering, volunteering was a better day to take off.) Anyways she said no, she was going to volunteer. (Good for her) So really the only day she could go was Friday. Well I didn’t know about Friday because I wasn’t even going to be around- I’m headed to the OBX to spend with my hubby’s family. My mother talks to my cousin and said we were going on Monday, and asked if her daughter could come. She responded that she had volunteering to do, so we left it at that since the schedule wasn’t working out for her to come with us. There was never any plan to have her come along, even if we changed the day from Monday to Tuesday, it wouldn’t have worked because she had to work. Friday wouldn’t work for my mom since she’s headed back to Chicago early Saturday morning. So, other than the daughter being available on Friday, I’m not sure how it translated that we were going on Friday? My somewhat exact wording: “we asked ____ if she could go with us, Mon & Wed she was volunteering, and Tues & Thurs she was working, so I suggested Mon, because maybe she wouldn’t volunteer but she said no, and Friday wasn’t going to work since my mom was leaving early Saturday morning. So since the schedules didn’t work out, we went on Monday. Sorry for the misunderstanding”.
What happens next? (other than the fact my phone dies)
She DELETES my comment, and adds another post: “Whatever Takes 5 minutes to make a call, but again… always seems to be a hassle”
5 minutes to make a call… what call is she talking about. Calling before we go? Calling to respond to a FB post? I don’t know what she means. She could have taken 5 minutes to call and find out what happened instead of jumping to these conclusions.
Then what put me over the top? She de-friended me on FB and on twitter- it’s the equivalent of a break-up. I mean really?!?! De-friend me? How immature.
I’m livid (and really hurt) for a few reasons:
- Name calling and accusations without even finding out what really happened or at least talking to us about what happened, we’ve been called names and accused for being like her father. I know the sticks and stones…blah blah blah, but I don’t like being called names and I am not like her father.
- I am the least self focused and self serving person I know. I would bend over backwards for people. I am a people pleaser and a peace keeper, and she knows it. I don’t like confrontation and turmoil. Not only that, I try to be a part of her daughter’s life as much as I can, even though I go to school full time, have a business, and work almost full time. I try to support her as much as I can, just recently, I went to her beauty pageant at school and helped with her sweet 16 birthday party- even made the cake. I didn’t charge to make the cake, but it cost me money to make it. If anytime her mother invited me to anything that she was in, I’d try to be there, because I love her and am so proud of the woman she’s become…So to be called these things by my cousin is beyond any comprehension.
- I’m mad that this was posted on Facebook instead of her calling me saying something like “hey, I just found out you went to Busch Gardens, what happened to taking C with you guys” then I could respond… we could have communicated. So anyways when I respond to her post on FB to defend, she deletes my comment. Now here, I can jump to conclusions myself: doesn’t want to hear the truth, and just wants to be mad at someone, doesn’t want anyone to know the truth, or realized that she didn’t know our side of the story. Whatever it was, the posting on FB made me upset. I believe it was she that told me a while back that FB was not the place to air your dirty laundry, and she just did.
- She de-friended me. No, I will not request to be her “Friend” again, this whole thing is ridiculous. This is not the first time that a cousin of mine is mad at me for something that I got blamed for and it’s not my fault. I’m sick and tired of it. I am not people’s scapegoat or anger release, I have feelings- just like everyone else.
Communication breakdown is one of the reasons that people fight. I can see why families feud. Just look at this particular example. Thankfully, I am a forgiving person, so hopefully this will not drag out too long.
I know that this whole thing is probably petty in other people’s eyes, but I’m tired of being the people pleaser and nice person that people feel like they can walk all over. If anything, this post lets me relieve some stress, anger, and hurt, and now I can try to get some sleep before I drive to the OBX to my husband’s family, and de-stress in my happy place. Since I am apparently “self focused” and “self serving”, I’m going to try to relax; I have to find my chi before I get to the beach, & when I get there don’t mess with my chi.